i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
