i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
