i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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