I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He has the fingertips of a God
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