dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
