I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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