Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
