Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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