I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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