If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Success! We fucked roommates!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
