matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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