mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
