but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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