before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
