We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
