Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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