Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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