You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
