She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
