...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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