from now on my penis is your penis
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
