Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
