it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
