dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize