and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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