i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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