It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
