Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
