I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
we're making bets on your personal life
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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