Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
