put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
