Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
