Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
