She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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