real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
this is an emotional support booty call
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
