I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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