I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
