We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
