Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
