I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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