I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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