Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
