farters have to be the big spoon...
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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