Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the day after is always just damage control
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
