tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
