sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
