The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
