eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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