She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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