Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
