She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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