i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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