ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
