I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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