i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
