3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
