dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
