Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
