I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
