all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
