He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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