; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
there is puke in my bra ... again
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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