You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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