I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
