please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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