I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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