All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
