3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
