you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
