bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
