hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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