Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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