you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
