I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
