so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Never let your siblings swipe right.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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