After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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