just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
