Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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