i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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