Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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