My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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