so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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