So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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