Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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