haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
