but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
