I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
