like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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