She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So much rum. So many feels.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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