I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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