I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
