420 ftw
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
