oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
