who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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