hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Actions speak louder than pants.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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