Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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