I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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