Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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