i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
