Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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