Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
