are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I puked a lego.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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