i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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