We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
