dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
