And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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